Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: Are you kidding me?, commercial, drug companies, innovations, Lysteda, marketing, menstruation, period, pharmaceuticals, Rant, ridiculousness, side effects, women, women's health
I was minding my own business at the gym, listening to crude rap music and sweating off my weekend indulgences on the elliptical machine. I was relatively unaware of my surroundings. But my attention was drawn to the silent television, which had the words “heavy monthly bleeding” on the screen.
Now you have my attention.
I proceeded to watch the rest of the commercial in a state of mild disbelief, as women of all ages pranced all over (like anyone goes for a walk when they have their period). But once it was over, I was in a state of shock.
What the hell is this!?
A pill to help deal with “heavy monthly bleeding”? Is this necessary? Is this what the world is coming to?
I have several things to say, before I delve into my rant:
A) I understand that there are some women who have painfully and/or unnaturally heavy periods.
B) I understand that the world of pharmaceuticals is crazy. (Exhibit A: Restless Leg Syndrome)
C) I am a woman.
This blows my mind. Women have periods- there is little way around that, aside from turning 50/menopause, and birth control pills that mess with your cycle. Sometimes one period is worse than another. But that is why we have Midol (aka “that legalized form of crack for women”). So pop one, put your sweatpants on, call in sick from work, and watch Steel Magnolias on demand. It’s your goddamn legal right!
I would like to be the first to call BULLSHIT with this Lysteda. What woman over the age of 15 can’t relate? We have all had a time where our whole bodies hurt, you bled like a dying man, and you retreated from “normal” living to just take care of yourself. This is all marketing. “Here, take this, it will help you feel less awful during your period, and you will lose less blood.” Funny, haven’t heard that before. I am sure that by Christmas, hoards of women will be showing up at doctors’ offices across America shouting “Hey! I bleed like fresh cut steak! I need that medication! Give me that!!!”
But get this: the side effects of the drug are the exact same symptoms of getting a period in the first place!!!! Verbatim from the Lysteda website: headaches, sinus and nasal problems, back pain, pain in your abdomen, pain in your muscles or joints, anemia and fatigue. WebMD’s side effects of getting your period: pain, acting like a total bitch, bloating, cramps, headaches, feeling fucking tired!!!!!!!
I don’t know what makes me more angry: that there was someone smart enough to market this drug, or that there are people dumb enough to take it. Honestly, the only way they could better market this one is to either A) give out free samples in tampon boxes at KMart or B) give out plates of brownies with your purchase of a one month trial prescription.
Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: boobies, infomercial, innovations, Kush, ridiculousness, weirdnerd
Kush, huh?
Well, to be completely honest, my boobs are not big enough to cause such a problem. But I would believe if someone told me they had this problem.
My question is this: what about old lady boobs? Does it still do the job then?
Kush comes from a long line of strange inventions, including Booty Pop Panties and the Wafsicle machine, which have been featured on KatieAtlas. I invite you to share other weird inventions you’ve heard about or seen on infomercials. The crazier the better, but I’ll be honest, you have some tough competition to beat already.
Filed under: Disney Chronicles, Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: Disney, Disney World, electric scooters, fat people, innovations, laziness, obesity, quirks, vacation, walking
Now let me just brief you: I am not known for my wealth of patience, nor my virtue and acceptance like Mother Theresa.
That being said: I really hate scooters.
Christ, do I hate scooters.
I hear this baby gets 1.5 horse power!
My distaste for scooters intensified in Disney, especially after waiting an extra twenty three minutes for two fat fucks guys to get on with all their special accommodations, slowness, and space. Not only that, but the rest of the clan needed to get on the bus from the handicap line too. Maybe they were too slow to waddle in line with the rest of us, or maybe their knees had started to rot away inside them because of all the pressure from walking through Disney World, but the family, in the end, took up a grade total of eight seats.
Please keep in mind, there was upwards of fifty people in line for this bus, and most of us had been waiting in line a hell of a lot longer than they had.
I was ready to rip out my nose hairs. I couldn’t believe it. These dudes were gumming up the works, big time.
As my vacation progressed, I realized that the use and availability of these electric scooters only promoted two things: laziness and obesity. Too fat to walk? Rent one of these puppies. (It probably moves faster than you would if you decided to sweat it out and use your legs.) Rather save yourself the embarrassment of having sweat stains on the backs of your stirrup pants? Sit down all day, and no one will notice. Either way you’re going to be in the way of fast walkers while roaming the Happiest Place on Earth, so why not at least make it easier for yourself?
Christ, you can even eat your fried turkey leg as you drive your gurney-to-be down concrete walkways.
Chow down, Momma!
Bubba and his brother really got my goat, out of every scooter I saw, because it was pretty damn evident they fit the bill for fat and lazy. Bubba was so enormous, he had to rent a scooter from Buena Vista Scooter Co & Mobility Services. He was too big to handle one of the scooters Disney already owned!
My God!
Now, I think it’s fine that Grandma wants to tag along on the family vacation to Disney World. She has a heart condition and can’t take a lot of physical activity? Okay, I’ll make the exception.
But what about these middle aged men who have, in every sense, let themselves go? Too fat to do much of anything except eat their way across the great state of Florida. So what about them? I say, get up off your fat ass and walk.
This isn't the guy. (I was nice enough NOT to take his picture.) But as I stood in line for the bus, staring at him, wondering how much longer he could possibly take, I asked a question: when was the last time this guy saw his own junk?
I’m doing you a favor as much as I am doing me a favor. It’s a hell of a lot easier to maneuver around a fat walker than a fat scooter-rider. But clearly, you could use the exercise. You want to go to Disney? Well, you’ll have a better chance of being able to fit ride the rides if you lose five pounds of water weight from sweating than riding like a geezer on that sad excuse for a bike or wheelchair.
That brings me to another point: when you’re that fat, is it safe for you to ride the rides? Do you fit in the seat?
And who the hell goes to Walt Disney World thinking “I’m gonna walk as little as possible on this vacation.” You are in DISNEY WORLD. There isn’t any space for CARS. You WALK. So if you can’t WALK or are too lazy to WALK, why would you plan a vacation when WALKING is one of the primary activities? In the words of Wayne Campbell, are you mental?
I'm at a loss for words.
I don’t hate fat people. I don’t hate people who are physically incapable of walking. I don’t hate the old or the sick or small children. But I hate you if you’re lazy. I hate you if your laziness is not only a detriment to you, but to me. Everyone deserves to go to Disney World, but if you are going to make my time there miserable, then you should just get the fuck out.
Most importantly, I hate your damn electric scooters. You look like a fool.
If you don’t start walking, I might just anonymously send you cans of SlimFast.
Take that, lazy bones.
Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness, Senioritis | Tags: chat roulette, coolness, friends, games James Bond enjoys, innovations, perverts, senioritis, weirdnerd
Last night I finally took it upon myself to explore the modern marvel that is Chat Roulette.
For lack of a better cliche, it blew my mind.
Let me take a moment to explain how this site works.
1. Get a webcam.
2. Get internet.
3. Go to www.chatroulette.com
4. Click start.
5. Talk to strangers.
It’s just that easy.
Now, beware of the perverts, jerking one off in from of their computer screen. Beware of the creepy old men. Beware of people who ask you questions you’d really rather not answer. (Someone told me they thought the next thing would be the porno chat roulette, strictly for those looking for a little something something… Sad thing is is that I wouldn’t be surprised if that actually came to be.)
But the beauty of the beast? Just click next. In fact, you can keep clicking next until you find someone who seems relatively safe to talk to.
Chat Roulette defies all laws Moms placed on children for years. We are talking to strangers. We are using webcams. As long as you aren’t harassing someone, anything goes. And worst of all, once you start clicking and chatting and meeting new people, you become completely and totally addicted. You won’t be able to stop. There is something cool about not knowing what you are going to find, or who will have a good story to share, or who you’ll hit it off with, or who you won’t. Some people have really engaging conversation, and others are rather dull. Chat Roulette allows you to get what you want. It is the all you can eat buffet of internet communication.
Chat Roulette let me talk to some dude from Long Island, who loves to party, bake and ski, just like me.
Chat Roulette introduced me to a law student living in Mississippi who has a band. And we both like Lucero.
Chat Roulette paired me up with a kid in Michigan who wants to be a border patrol cop.
Ok, there is a lot of diversity, but when it comes down to it, you can really talk to whatever kind of person you want. And that is cool. It’s too bad social stigmas exist at a community level, however. Someone who may live four doors down from you could be the best pianist you’ve ever seen, but you’d never know if you label him a weirdnerd and never give him the time of day.
More experimenting with Chat Roulette soon.
Katie
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: chat roulette, computer, innovations, video
UPDATE: More tomorrow on my fascination with Chat Roulette
chat roulette from Casey Neistat on Vimeo.
I have never actually used Chat Roulette. I have heard a little about it, but I am going to do a little experiment of my own on the website (once I have a second to sit and use the internet…)
This video is pretty well done, and I like Casey’s voice.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: books, Chuck Klosterman, coolness, Eating the Dinosaur, football, innovations, Klosterman, music, quirks, quotes, reading, weirdnerd
I have been very enthralled by my most recent read, Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman.
I am a huge fan of Chuck. I love his style. I love his sass. I love his insane love and knowledge of all things pop culture.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from (what I have read so far of) this new book:
“To look through the window of a meaningless stranger proves that we are likewise meaningless; the roles could just as easily be reversed with the same net effect. And that should disturb us, but it doesn’t.” (on watching people through windows)
“His decision to grow a soul patch pretty much said it all: In the ten-thousand-year history of facial hair, no one has ever looked nonidiotic with a soul patch.” (on Garth Brooks and his alter ego Chris Gaines)
“In 1980, Portland State beat Delaware State 105-0 and Cal Poly Pomona 93-7. Mouse may have been a genius, but he was somewhat of a prick.” (on football, and the coaching strategy/genius of Darrel “Mouse” Davis)
“Football allows the intellectual part of my brain to evolve, but it allows the emotional part to remain unchanged. It has a liberal cerebellum and a reactionary heart. And this is all I want from everything, all the time, always.” (on football)
“It’s fascinating and stupid to watch adults destroy things on purpose. It’s a sensation that applies to a multitude of stimuli: monster truck shows, the dynamiting of sports arenas, race riots, Van Halen’s musical legacy, eggs, governments, and temporary gods. And guitars. Always guitars.” (enough said)
“Here’s a question I like to ask people when I am 5/8 drunk….” (on time travel and sending messages to oneself)
“It’s about how being the MVP of the ’85 all-star game is like being a brilliant pool player– sarcastic proof of a wasted life.” (on Ralph Sampson and his failure in the NBA)
I have to meet this guy one day.
Katie
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: computer, coolness, Dell, innovations, iPad
Technology amazes me.
I always knew that people could pretty easily access your computer through the internet. But I never realized HOW easy it actually is.
Today I decided I was going to get my McAfee fixed and de-goober my computer.
After some initial confusion, I eventually ended up chatting with a man named Gharmanshu from Dell. We instant messaged for a while before he remotely took control of my computer through some other instant messaging program (not in a webpage.) I mean, it took seconds. I was amazed.
Within an hour, he had fixed my McAfee (with a little help from me) and even found some warranties I qualify for. It just shocked me. I couldn’t believe that someone from Dell could get into my computer without even meeting me.
Call me naive, but I just couldn’t get over it.
You know, I have to give my Dad credit. In high school, he told his buddy Austin “Computers are gonna be big one day.” And lo and behold, he went into computers, which became enormous, just like he said he would, and is now the VP of information technology. My Dad is a techie. And we can do just about anything with a computer. (And he is sittin pretty comfy right now.)
Things seem pretty limitless from here; We have people who can get into other people’s computers with a few clicks.
We have these Virtusphere things.
We have iPods and iPads. (SIDE NOTE: Not to beat a dead horse, but what was apple thinking? Just call it the iTampon. I bet we will have one one day.)
The latest from Apple Computers
UPDATE: Check out this video. I died laughing. Video
We have atomic bombs, the internet, Google, television, cell phones with GPS and kitchen sinks, refrigerators for kegs, illnesses for computers, xerox, swine flu, AIDS, mashups, nitrous oxide, erasable pens, segways, Barack Obama, and Starbucks.
This world is nuts, when you think about it. These are the things almost 7 billion people use and discuss every day. We have created this wild and crazy shit.
I mean, what are we gonna think of next!? Is the sky really the limit? Is anything really possible?
I’m thinking yes.
Cheers,
Katie
