-I am so fucked if I hit a pot hole. I wish I had a stinkin’ head light so I could see something.
-Next time I go down Maravista, I am bringing a steak knife with me. This is sketchy.
-Fool. Bring a damn sweatshirt.
-If those idiots steal my bike while I am in the store, shit is gonna blow up.
-How much is a can of spray paint?
-I need more friends with cars.
-I need to get a life.
Filed under: Photo du Jour | Tags: Charlie Sheen, katieism, life, photo, Rant
I would like to say a few words…
I love Charlie Sheen. If I had it my way, I would do horrible things to Charlie Sheen. I don’t care if he is older than my father, or that he is drug addled, or whatever crap you have to say about him.
But I definitely wish I had the gumption to say “Who the fuck cares?” quite like Mr. Sheen can.
And in the stifling environment that is college, I find myself really complacent. There is nothing I absolutely love or absolutely hate. But man, when I look to someone with passion, I would say Charlie Sheen has it, for better or for worse.
I hope that one day I can shout “Who the fuck cares?” and really live for five minutes. Sky diving, keg stands, streaking. Whatever. I admire Charlie Sheen for actually being moderately successful while still sticking to his guns, him self, his core. That, my friends, is what is really most admirable in the guy.
Filed under: College | Tags: call center, college, katieism, life, reasonableness, resilience, sucking it up, superficial, Villanova, work
Bank of America was calling to bitch at me. I overdrew. Again.
Penniless from book buying, random adventures, and excessive consumption of food, I decided there was nothing else I could do: I had to find a job. Fast.
But at the same time I knew I would be fucked; who wants to hire a kid with such limited hours of availability, no car, and impending trips back to Massachusetts to spend time with family for Christmas break? No one. My options were limited, so when an opportunity to work at the Villanova Phonathon fell into my lap, I applied.
I learned a little bit about the job. I choked my way through a painful interview. I somehow managed to get myself a position. I was shocked.
I was even more shocked as I went through a couple nights of training. I decided, for better or for worse, I had to keep the job and that I would continue to stomach a few shifts a week.
The day of my first shift came.
I braced myself for the worst. This might just be the shittiest job I ever have, I thought as I trucked across campus to the farthest possible building, in some swampy dark corner of campus.
But I sucked it up, even taking on extra hours for a Saturday “Blitz” calling day.
It took a few hours to pick up the gist of how a call goes, but I get it now. And I found myself pleasantly surprised. The call center job is not that bad. They feed us on occasion, and I have actually enjoyed talking to some of the parents. They have advice, and are just as interested in pretending to hear about your life at Villanova as you are interested in pretending to hear about their kid’s life at Villanova. I even have the opportunity to study or read or write while the computer dials my calls and whatnot for me. I don’t even have to get dressed to go to work.
Best of all, I feel no guilt about calling public safety to cart my ass across campus. Public safety hasn’t even said anything about my seemingly daily calls to their office, requesting a ride.
Is it the world’s best job? Hell no. Does it pay well? Not really. But, I am getting paid, and it does work with my schedule at school. They are sympathetic to finals, they pay on time, and they give you advice on your calling so you can make the school more money. Not too shabby, huh?
I am glad I haven’t quit yet.
Katieism #309: Resilience, fearlessness, and fierceness pay off, even if only marginally.
Filed under: College, Late Night | Tags: alive, insomnia, katieism, life, moments of sanity, sleep
I don’t know if what Villanova University breathing down my neck; a gutteral desire to correct my erratic sleeping; or maybe I shit the bed (ha). But I got up in time for my 9:30 this morning. I participated in my classes, and I did not act like a zombie without my coffee.
I was only really tired for those twenty or so minutes of half-sleep right before I got up, that time when I was hemming and hawing about actually getting up for the day.
As much as being tired sucks (and I swear the Black Eye I am drinking is actually depressing my system), I have to keep my good-attitude-pants on.
I feel alright. I don’t have much in lieu of homework this week, aside from studying, studying, studying. And I am on good terms with all my teachers. Not to mention, I got the go ahead from my owners to host Festivus this year.
It won’t be much longer until I am on the road with KG, headed to Canada, America’s woolly hat, either.
My friend Chicken recently started up a blog of her own. Her most recent post reminded me of something I have told her about: Moments of Sanity. You gotta live for the Moments of Sanity. Contentedness is still good.
So yeah, I am awake now and under-rested, buttttttt it could be worse.
I could be this guy.
Ladies. Gentlemen.
I’ve still got it.
Filed under: College | Tags: accomplishment, Are you kidding me?, changes, choices, college, future, happiness, homesick, hope, katieism, learning, life, Sam Ferguson, St Augustine, Villanova
Wow. In two weeks, I will be in Canada. I will be with Katelyn, traipsing through Tremblant, shouting at people and having “I love you, girl” moments. It will probably be complete with What-the-Hell shots and some excellent skiing. And when I say probably, I mean definitely.
But these next two weeks are going to be frustrating. I am going to be increasingly sleep deprived, anxious, and enraptured in all things school. Learning and studying may very well kick my ass. But that is besides the point. Although I have a ton of stuff to do tonight, I am taking the time to blog tonight. Not just for procrastination purposes, but to reflect about the things I have experienced since I’ve gotten to Villanova. I mean- let’s face it.
I made it through my first semester.
At least, I have made it this far. I had nights when I thought for sure I would run back to Boston and never come back. I had days when I thought I would never make it to the end of class without freaking out. I cried on the phone, on skype, and to my pillow. I went through what seemed like hell at the time. But I rebounded too.
I made a few friends, but at least I have no enemies.
I’ve learned a lot. About myself as a student, about myself as a person, about life, about religion, about people my age, about people who aren’t my age. I’ve experienced more changes in the past five months than I have in the past four years. I’m still not very sure of myself, but at least today, right now, I am okay with blindly walking through the woods. I mean, there are trees and it’s scenic, and I have been able to hack up crap with my machete (calculus) and climb over the boulders blocking my way (identity crises, bad food, social dilemmas.) I have improved my survival skills (bullshitting, not sleeping, talking to strangers) and I have witnessed some crazy things (VEMS on Tuesdays, what not sleeping will do to you, the greater Philadelphia area, alcoholic professors.)
I’ve slept in a new bed (which I often have crazy dreams in), and I’ve felt alone (even though I have roommates), and I have missed home (even though Falmouth has never left my heart, ever.) I’ve danced on the stage at a concert, traveled to exotic places alone, read some mind blowing texts (Dante’s Inferno should be required life reading), and watched a lot of great TV and movies, courtesy of Netflix (Dexter, Weeds, indie comedies.) I’ve continued to explore some of my passions (newspapers, music, skiing) and left some at the wayside (drinking, for better or for worse.)
You know, I don’t really have anything to show that says how much I have (or have not) grown since my arrival at Villanova, other than a journal (filled with some morose entries) and some bags under my eyes. But nonetheless, I am still proud of myself for sticking it out, making some mistakes, fixing some mistakes, and learning a thing or two. Even if I am thinking in terms of making it from hour to hour, I am still alive and kicking and thirsty for more living.
I could get into my trials and tribulations. But I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to complain. I just want to keep going, move on, and hope things get better. Everyone I have ever met said college was one of the best times of their life, if not the best time. I hope I don’t prove that wrong. I want this to be great. I hope I have a lot of fun and meet a nice guy (or two or three) and learn less about St. Augustine and more about myself and my passions and what life means to me. A rough start can’t deter me from being hopeful for the rest of this craziness.
As Sam Ferguson said, “Die living.” I am not going to die because of college. And maybe that is the wrong place for said quote, but I feel like it’s perfect anyway. “Die living.” It might just be the best thing anyone has said, ever.
Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness, Uncategorized | Tags: complaining, discomfort, drinking, family, holidays, katieism, kids, kids table, parade, Rant, ridiculousness, Thanksgiving
A good friend of mine is spending her first Thanksgiving abroad, or rather, is having her first year sans Butterball, hoopla, and football games. But being the friend that I am, I decided to remind her of the realities of Thanksgiving, or rather, that Thanksgiving is a kind of shitty holiday anyway, and that Chrismahanukwanzika/New Year’s/St. Patrick’s Day are way better holidays anyway.
My advice to her: “I encourage you to have a beer, watch a bootleg version of “A Christmas Story”, and read this list of the top reasons why Thanksgiving Sucks, and You Aren’t Missing Out Anyway.”
So here it goes.
1. Watching your parents get drunk all afternoon- It’s one thing if it’s the summer and everyone is kicking back margarita’s at the BBQ. But in the winter, it’s a bit different dynamic. Everyone is bitching about their job and their shitty football team. Plus getting drunk with other family members is entirely different from getting drunk with neighbors. Family feuds, old slides/photographs from the Triassic era, and handle races surface. (Okay, so maybe not handle races, but it certainly does seem like your father and your uncle are trying to see who can drink more of that Johnny Walker, doesn’t it?) Best part of all: you get to be stone cold sober all day. Gotta love being underage.
2. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade- Parades are overrated, and that is fact. It’s one thing when firefighters (or Apple Blossom Queens) are chucking tootsie rolls at your 8 year old head, hoping they get extra points for getting you in the eye, but it’s another to watch idiots-dance-on-floats/giant-balloons-of-characters-from-children’s-television-walking-through-a-city hundreds of miles away… on TV. The coverage is always littered with commercials, people singing about Christmas (you got the wrong holiday, dumbass!), and obnoxiously perky journalists dressed like they are stuck in the Tundra (wimps- like New York is even cold.)
3. The Kids Table- Personally, I have been sentenced to Life at the Kids Table, (even though I was already taller than my Grammy at age 10.) Since graduating high school, I am now not only sitting at the kids table, but I am Resident Bitch (RB) of the Kids Table. I wipe snot and ketchup off their grubby faces, make sure no one eats the stick of butter, and that a food fight doesn’t erupt. And, in my free time, I listen to the chillens discuss the latest from Pixar and Thomas the Train, while I cut their turkey into bite size pieces and their parents get sloppily drunk off cheap booze in the other room. It really brings joy to my heart knowing that I am helping the community. Not.
4. Being Uncomfortable- It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving if I didn’t sit in an exorbitant amount of traffic, sleep on a futon, or have to get crammed in the middle of five people in the backseat of a mini van on the way to the high school football game. But Thanksgiving doesn’t stop at physical discomfort; there is always social and mental discomfort too. Like when Great Aunt Emily comes to town, so does her nasty choke-up-mucous-and-old-lady-cooties cough, and questions about my bowel movements and dating. The Thanksgiving visit might only be a pregame to Christmas, but in and of itself, the discomfort of dealing with her is still one hell of an ordeal.
5. Black Friday- Great, I can buy dvds for $2.50 a piece; yeah, if I buy at least ten, and I arrive before 6 AM with my store flyer, a frequent buyer card, and manage not to get run over by a frantic woman driving a Hummer through the parking lot. Pass. Selections suck because everything gets picked over by the time your hung over ass feels like getting out the door (okay, okay, you snuck your own whiskey from home with you), crowds are uncontrollably large, rude and demanding, plus you lose an hour of time alone circling the damn parking lot for a space (you settle by parking half on the curb, half on a melting snow bank, and cross your fingers you don’t get a ticket from that mustachioed cop near the store entrance.) It’s the shit show of all shit shows. I’ll take Cyber Monday. I do much better with beer and a computer.
Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: bitch whine and complain, bitching, BWC, complaining, friends, katieism, Paige Calisi, Rant, whining
A friend of mine asked me to explain the rules to a BWC.
And it suddenly dawned on me: people don’t know what a BWC is, or how to effectively host one.
A BWC is a Bitch Whine and Complain Conference. The term was coined by Paige Calisi circa 2006. While it started off as a lunchtime ritual on report card day, the BWC has evolved over the years to accommodate a host of different problems, including men, parents, shoes, and just about anything that could possibly piss you off.
To keep a BWC from getting out of control, usually there are some unspoken parameters.
- Everyone has to have a chance to say their piece.
- Try to avoid bitching about specific people, especially if in a public setting, but really, anything goes.
- There should be a time limit on the BWC. (An hour is a good maximum.)
- Once the BWC is over, no one is allowed to complain about any of the subjects discussed in the BWC until 24 hours has elapsed, or until another designated time (which should be predetermined before the BWC begins.)
Any number of people can participate in a BWC. Sometimes it is nice to give everyone a turn, like Chick A starts first, bitches for 10 to 15 minutes with others chiming in, then Chick B goes, then Chick C, etc, etc. This let’s everyone’s complaints get heard, and ensures that everyone feels the wonderful relief of the BWC.
Sometimes a moderator is nice, too. The moderator should try to abstain from giving too much opinion or having a whiner moment themselves. The moderator really should stick to their task of moderating.
The goal of a BWC is to cleanse the soul of nagging negativities, annoying afterthoughts, or gregarious gossip. This is the best way to share with a group, yet also make sure that everyone gets rid of their bad mood at once. Talking it out facilitates a purge of the bad energy, and gets everyone on the right page together, making for a better second half of the day. (While BWCs usually occur in the afternoon, there is no set time they have to occur, although I recommend avoiding any time before 9:30 AM. I mean, c’mon, at 9:30, if you aren’t still hungover, you can’t have possibly had something so atrocious happen that you feel the need to ravage a village or start drinking again.)
I encourage all friends to practice BWC and to embrace it for its healing powers.
Sometimes there is nothing better than hashing it out and forcing others to listen to you go on and on about something you absolutely hate.
Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness, Uncategorized | Tags: Boston, free, happiness, katieism, Somerville Theater, St Augustine, Terrorthon, winning
So, I have taken to blogging during Philosophy class. Why reflect on St. Augustine’s opinions when I can reflect on my own personal philosophies?
Katieism #717: Don’t kid yourself; sometimes it is all about you.
Today I found out that I won tickets to Terrorthon at the Somerville Theater, a week long festival of horror movies. I entered the contest through a Newbury Comics email. What are the chances? So many people get those emails, and of those who entered, they somehow picked me.
They picked me!
This brings my total to four on the “Things I’ve Won in the Past Six Months” list.
- iTunes Giftcard – $15 is better than zero.
- iPad – so badass.
- A new watch from Macy’s – I knew my shopping addiction would come in handy one day.
- Terrorthon Tickets - It pays to stay faithful to your CD store…
I’m flattered and I’m flabbergasted and I’m floored. I am so f*cking lucky.
Often friends ask me, and often I ask myself, how can I possibly be so lucky? How do I win all this stuff? What are habits of lucky people? Well, this is the best list that I could come up with.
- Give everyone your email address. This is really important. Marketers want your email, so give it to them. Telemarketing and direct mail is largely ineffective, but sometimes you will check your email. It is their best outlet to you, their target audience. Maybe contests get you to buy more, or do more business with, a firm, but probably not. Either way, businesses will give away freebies from time to time. So give them a little access to you and you might be rewarded. You never know what will happen.
- Take surveys. Period. People want your opinion. Not everyone enjoys taking surveys, but God knows that it’s a great, mindless distraction and you might have the chance to win. All these alluring prizes are, after all, usually why you take a survey in the first place.
- Keep an open mind. This whole system is a lottery: your chance is no better than someone elses. However, it is still a lottery, so the more you play, the more you win. Keep at it, even if you haven’t won anything yet, because assuming karma exists, I’m sure that you’ll get something eventually. And at the end of the day, when has it ever been a bad idea to keep an open mind?
Filed under: College, Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: acceptance, avalanche, college, confusion, dream, future, happiness, katieism, Rant, skiing
Last night I had another dream that I was skiing. There was an avalanche though. It was skewed and weird, and I remember my aunt, Marilyn, flying through the air like an X Games Skier.
I’m not quite sure what else went down, but here is my stab at interpreting my dream:
The avalanche is stress: school, parents, alcohol, life. It’s all those unknowns, all that unhappiness, coming straight toward me. I think I was on the lift, but I was still in danger of being caught in the avalanche. Snow, in and of itself, isn’t very dangerous, but when it becomes that enormous mass, it’s a death threat.
I feared the uncertainty of the avalanche: I didn’t know if I would live or die. I didn’t know how it would affect my family. I feared the avalanche itself: this mounting mass, uncontrollable, wild, etm.
I will not say I hate school. But I think that a huge reason why I won’t say this is because I’ve been in worse places. Villanova has not made me depressed. When I get there, if I get there, maybe I’ll say that. But I feel like, today, at Nova, I’m looking an avalanche in the face. I do not know my fate, if it’s as awful as it looks, or if it is gonna hit or miss. I’m uncomfortable looking at it: how could I not be? I was skiing alone, and I think I am looking at the VU avalanche alone, too. How can I know what to expect? How can I control it? How can I survive? I know the answers to none of these questions.
I’m looking an avalanche in the face.
I think Marilyn represents the hope: the avalanche gets closer and closer, it might crash down on her, it’s about to, things look bad, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. She nails the jump, flys 20 feet through the air, into safety.
Even if I get pummeled by an avalanche, there’s a quick shot out. It’s far fetched and movie-like, but it can happen.
Even that jump is terrifying. I don’t do jumps when I ski: I am terrified of wiping out on one of those. Would I be able to take that leap of faith? I like to think that in the face of an avalanche, I would give it a shot. But in life, do I take those kind of risks?
Could I jump if I were stuck in the VU avalanche?
Am I going to have to jump?
When is this avalanche coming, and will I be in the right place at the wrong time?
I am looking an avalanche in the face.
I can plan today, but who knows what will happen tomorrow.
—-
Okay, so that is a lot more than just a simple dream analysis. I guess it exposes my insecurities a lot more than I would normally be willing to concede, especially to share on the web. But it’s true. And after hearing from yet another friend about her freshman woes, I am less afraid to share this.
I think about transferring a lot. But I also think about completely blowing off college, as I has been planning for at one time. I was more than ready to say “No way, Jose” to college, and not even giving it a try.
It’s still only September. I’ve been here for a month, but I feel like I’ve been here for EVER. I am trying to stay positive, but it is really, really hard to stay optimistic. I’m losing my patience. I’m reverting to my less open self. Part of me says “How can I not go back to ‘Normal Katie’ or ‘Real Katie’ or whatever I am?” but part of me is pissed, pulling the “Oh try harder,” or “Oh, wait it out” card that so many people/friends suggested to me. (In all honesty, I even suggested it to myself, too. Especially at the beginning.)
If my dreams are trying to tell me something, maybe they are telling me what I already knew: that this would be a very trying time, that I would constantly question if I am doing the right thing, that I am going to be overwhelmed and underimpressed at the same time. It is as confusing as it is maddening. Sometimes it’s all too much, and others it is far from enough. I am trying to work with what I have, but at the end of the day, I just can’t be pleased.
Is this a me problem or is this a Villanova problem? Is this a dreamed up problem or is this a real problem? Is this an “Option D- all of the above” kind of multiple choice question? Will I ever know the answer?
