KatieAtlas


Forecast: Lent 2011
March 6, 2011, 11:04 pm
Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Katieism #50: Give something up for lent.

Lent goes one of two ways: either it is my most productive time of year, or it is my least productive time of year. Lent either goes amazingly well, or I fail like a virgin pina colada.

Last year qualified as one of the virgin pina colada years; however many years prior were more along the lines of a Kenyan in the Falmouth Road Race.

Usually, for Lent, I put myself on what has been dubbed “The Lent Diet.” I basically purge my diet of all things fattening, delicious and worth eating. This year will be no exception. This year there will be some changes. It won’t be just the Diet; this year I am capitalizing on my productivity.

Here are all the ways I am changing this Lenten season:

  • Cut that fucking pirate mouth. I need to stop swearing. In layman’s terms, they are my cigarette. Swearing is just a part of my day. And when I am angry, it makes me feel better to shout “fucking shitballs” a few times aloud. (I think I amped up my profanity even more when I found a study that proved that swearing helped relieve physical pain, especially in women.) But now I am cutting the shit — I mean changing my ways. How will this work? Every swear = 100 crunches. Either I am going to get ripped out of stubborn, or I will be as flabby as I ever was.
  • Half hour of mandated me time. Every single day. This is something I have always wanted to do, but was always real loose about it. I’ve been known to let my stress take over and bam — instant train wreck. I need to try to keep this in check. Hopefully, those thirty minutes will be devoted to more blogging, more yoga, more iced tea, more anything — as long as it leads to sanity. After all, I like to think that I like me.
  • I can cheat on Sundays. I always waiver on this rule each year, but you know what, I can cheat on my diet on Sundays. Four days of working out and eating bland, green and red foods leads to a dizzying lack of excitement in one’s life. So a little brown fro-yo on Sunday won’t kill anyone. Besides, all work and no chocolate makes Katie a wench.
  • Read a book because you want to. Every day, at some point, probably in those last five minutes before I fall asleep in my bed (if I am sleeping, that is,) I am going to read a book for pleasure. The goal: finish by Easter Sunday. One book. It’s not a lot to ask for, although my schedule is cray cray in the spring with school.  Hopefully I pick a book that is funny. If not, well, it’s a book. Shut up inner monologue.
  • Visit the Picasso exhibit at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Now I have a time frame in which I have to get this done by. This is important — because otherwise I probably would never go. This is promise pretty self explanatory.

For better or for worse, I am Catholic and I participate in Lent. It’s probably the best thing that my faith has done for me. I am not a zealot, or really religious at all, even though I go to Catholic school. Nonetheless, I am a huge proponent of Lent. Some people think it’s all about giving up; while sacrificing (although that seems like a really exaggerated term for dieting) is part of it, it’s also about doing good. I do good for me. (I sound like a caveman.) While the church might suggest I do good for someone else, I would happily reply “Well, if I’m strung out on my own stress, I am only a burden to everyone.” So hopefully getting my own ducks in a row, I will be doing a world of good for everyone who sees me any given day.

I wonder what Charlie Sheen would think of my goals for Lent. Do I qualify as a Gnarls Gnarlington?

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The perfect snow day
January 27, 2011, 12:36 am
Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

After three delays, mere teasers from my college, I finally got a snow day. Let’s be honest, everyone loves a day off from school, especially when you go to a “pay more, go less” kind of school.

But I’ve had a lifetime of snow days. That’s a long time to figure out what makes a great snow day. Obviously, the fact that any day of school is cancelled is both a wonder and a miracle. I can’t help but love it.

These kids have it allllll right.

But to have a stand out, amazing snow day, you have to have all of the following. And I mean ALL.

  • The Price is Right. Just like any sick day, you gotta catch the Price Is Right in the morning. I love that tacky music and the glitter and lights. I love the pricing games and the new cars and the abundance of fashion faux pas. It is entirely necessary to any great snow day.
  • Freshly baked cookies. Making the batter from scratch adds bonus points, but honestly, any type of warm, made-since-you-woke-up-this-morning type of cookie qualifies. Everyone needs cookies on a snow day. My personal favorite would have to be a chocolate chipper, made by yours truly.
  • A movie you have watched at least four times. It could use another watching. You know you love it. It’s always entertaining. Watch it again. You have a few hours to kill, anyway. Movies that make my list include Good Fellas, Ocean’s 11, Austin Powers, and most Disney Pixar films.
  • Random visitor. You can’t be alone on your snowed in afternoon. It just never happens that way. The more surprising and random the visitor, the better. Is it a cousin who is on a roadtrip through town? A good friend with funky vintage work out suits? Gramma? All I have to say is ‘get it on!!!!!!!’ Those are exactly the strange visitors you need on a good snow day. (Note: The best of visitors bring their ipods and sleds for dance parties and outdoor adventures.)
  • Naptime. The Snow day nap is almost as crucial as the Thanksgiving Day nap. If you are in rare form, you can probably catch up on at least three hours of sleep during said nap. If you are a pro, you will fall asleep after gorging yourself on cookies while watching your old favorite movie, right after the Price is Right. Naps are God’s way of saying “You know what, you haven’t worked very hard today. But don’t worry about it. Everyone deserves to feel lazy sometimes.”
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The Inane Things I Have Done Since I’ve Gotten Home, Pt 1
December 18, 2010, 2:14 pm
Filed under: Lizstomania, Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve been home for about 36 hours, give or take. While yesterday was  a largely lethargic, slow moving, and boring day, all things considered, I did get a nice amount of inane things out of the way.

  • I went to bed at 4:30 last night… I was at Reed’s watching stand up comedy and Zenon, Girl of the Twenty First Century. I massaged a kink out of Reed’s shoulder. I socialized and felt like I wasn’t a loser and it was great. There is something to be said for going out at the last minute, and doing not much more than you were before, but at least being around people and getting out of the house.
  • I talked to my brother. I woke up shortly before he came home from school, so although it wasn’t the chattiest of chats, it was productive nonetheless. He shared this funny commercial with me. Andrew is a good little broseidon. 
  • I screwed with my parents. No, I didn’t dress up as an emo, but I put on my mopey face so I wouldn’t have to talk to them too much, and coming home at 4:30, well, that pissed them off, to say the least.

Other inane things I have done since my return to Camp Shipley:

  • baked cookies
  • ate cookies and ice cream for breakfast
  • slept on a couch
  • showered with my music playing
  • played with doodle tops
  • snuggled with the dog.

Cheers to more relaxation and randomness over break,

Katie

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The Most Inane Things I am Looking Forward to Over Christmas Break
December 13, 2010, 1:43 pm
Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I’m warning you: this might get weird.

  • Interviewing people on the gondola/chair lift/in the lift line. I find this is the best time to both catch people off guard and to have the opportunity to talk to really, really attractive men. (I’m not the only one who does this, either. I have had people ask me all kinds of questions.) Depending on your motives in getting to know someone in the lift line, there are several appropriate topics: 1. anything that has to do with winter sports (what kind of equipment are you on, did you see the hockey game last night, is it supposed to snow tonight, did you catch the race over on Locke Line?) 2. something so completely random (just don’t be creepy… the goal is to catch them off guard and to get an honest answer) 3. the poll question of the day (this is also a good way to start a conversation if you’re uncomfortable with this kind of stuff. Poll questions should either be stupidly easy, like PB&J or PB&fluff, or provocative, like anything to do with politics or trending topics). 
  • Driving. If you read my blog regularly, or even met me once, you know I am pretty fond of driving. I would put that in my top five interests, alongside drinking, food, men, and being outside. On the agenda for this vacation is a lovely road trip to Canada. Road trip = driving. I don’t care if it’s not my car- I have driven Katelyn’s car on many occasions and Frank is a good car. I look forward to cruising at moderately fast speeds while belting out the lyrics to indie songs I hardly know and drinking Arnold Palmers and taking drive by pictures of weird Canadian things.
  • Going to bed at 4 AM not because I couldn’t sleep or was watching Netflix, but because I was actually socializing and having a good time. I think this is pretty self explanatory. It’s also pretty out there.
  • Talking to my brother. I know, you must be thinking What a weirdo, who the hell enjoys their siblings? And you might have  a point there. But I am nonetheless looking forward to catching up with him and hearing about the insane acts of madness going on at my former residence on Shipley Circle.
  • Opening presents. This good feeling will only be intensified with the knowledge that I skimped on presents for everyone else in my family, primarily because my mother instructed me too. If college is good for one thing, it’s a great excuse for being selfish. Furthermore, I love that tearing sound of wrapping paper. I like the way the rigid little fibers tear and jive with the paper, the crispy corners, I dunno- there is something very sensual about the whole experience. On your respective Chrismahanukwanzikah, take  a moment to enjoy the sound of expensive wrapping paper being ravaged off boxes to reveal the goodie (or utter disappointment) inside. 
  • Screwing with my parents. Yes, the devil in me does enjoy seeing them squirm (at least a little bit.) But what self-respecting child doesn’t enjoy this? C’mon, admit it; when your mother saw your new $150 sneakers you blatantly lied about that had a day glow Nike swoosh etched with several indelible-Sharpie-created expletives on them, you laughed as she cried out with pain and shock. I like testing them a little bit. (I was actually contemplating going home dressed all emo for a few days, just to see how they would react.) You know, when they ask what time I’ll be home, say “Before you wake up,” or “Eh, I dunno. Eventually.”
Admit it; watching them freak out would be HILARIOUS.
  • Dancing in the kitchen. I have a weird history of dancing in the kitchen. With men, while baking cookies, for the sake of dancing, when I won an iPad, because I’m happy. I think there is just a real unique quality to dancing in anyone’s kitchen. I mean, who the hell would expect that? But I think it’s better than dancing at any frat, a beach, or wedding party. Dancing in the kitchen is just one of those strange pleasures I have. (No, not like that you sicko. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
  • Popsicles. I can’t even remember the last time I had a popsicle, and it certainly hasn’t been while I was here at Villanova. I know that much. But there is a box of popsicles in the basement freezer; I plan on eating all of them in a late night binge of George Clooney movies, sweat pants, and snuggling with the dog. Hello lost-but-not-forgotten home!
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    Recouperation Anticipation: how October break is going to be the best thing until Thanksgiving break
    October 7, 2010, 2:16 pm
    Filed under: College, Lizstomania | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

    I have never been one to look “healthy” or “sunny” or “glowy.” Depending on the time of year, my skin can be so pale I fluoresce. I can light up a room.

    After nine or so weeks of Villanova, I am retreating to my night-light-bright-white status. The bags under my eyes are staggering. My hygiene is a little lacking. My sleeping habits are so off that even a rabid racoon would say “WTF?” I am coming very close to being hospitalized for exhaustion. Okay, that wouldn’t happen- I am not as pathetic as Lindsey Lohan. But you get the idea.

    In about half an hour, I have my last midterm of the semester. Tomorrow I depart campus for New York, New England, and October Break Week. Hallelujah! I have been thinking about, craving, and all out praying to God for this week to finally come. In twenty-four hours, I’ll be boarding that big old Greyhound Bus and getting the hell out of here. (Yeah, I know I have to drive through Dirty Jersey to reach salvation, but at least my window won’t be open.) ANYWAY, here are some of the things I want to do over break:

    • Be a touristy New Englander. I want to carve a pumpkin, take pictures of leaves turning, go apple picking, and generally enjoy the outdoors. I am gonna walk my dog, listen to folk-y music, and enjoy a nice cold beer. I’m gonna pretend it’s the last time I’ll ever be there in the fall, and enjoy all that New England has for me. Amen.

      If only my pumpkin could come out this spectacular.

    • Sleep. I am going to sleep endless hours, all night, and all morning. I want to sleep so much that I can’t sleep when I get back to school. I mean, let’s be honest, I’m not gonna sleep when I get back to school anyway, so I might as well catch up/get ahead while I can… I have been fantasizing about all the places I am going to sleep. On buses, in cars, in my lovely bed, in hammocks, with my dog, on a couch…. Oh, it sounds so nice.
    • Read some worthwhile fiction. After all the text books and philosophical readings, I am craving myself a novel. Please, oh please, let me read a novel! I would even settle for nonfiction that reads like a novel! Lord, oh Lord, I promise I will never take advantage of fiction reading ever again. I’ll stick with the newspaper, but I really miss fiction. Even just the smell and feel of a paperback book…. Okay, I’ll stop myself before this gets bookworm pornographic.
    • Immerse myself in media. I am going to catch up on local news, world news, business family news, television, movies, kitchen life, cooking, all of it. I want to be so well rounded and know what’s been going on for the last month and a half- almost as if I knew of it all along. I am going to get into the crafty media too- taking photographs with my old camera, making bracelets out of string/hemp, coloring, the whole gamut. I miss the things I used to enjoy.
    • Take time to enjoy the little home-y moments. You know, stuff you can’t do in college, like eat good pizza (Villanova pizza SUCKS), shower without shoes, sleep naked, fart loudly, cuddle with the dog, listen to your music loudly, drink out of clean cups, real plates, talk on the phone whenever you feel, etm.

    See you at Dunkin Donuts, friends.

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    No, I’m twelve years old.
    September 2, 2010, 12:40 pm
    Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: , , ,

    All the ways I have proven myself to be in middle school in the past week:

    • I wrote in my journal.
    • I got excited when I talked to one smoke show of a guy at lunch.
    • I got even more excited when he recognized me from class.
    • I decided to NOT wear sunscreen.
    • I ate ice cream.
    • I laid out my outfit for the next day the night before.
    • I listened to the radio.
    • I asked my Dad for help. (Thanks for the printer, BTW!)
    • I checked one of my million e-mail accounts.
    • I complained. Period.
    • I fell asleep at nine o’clock.
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    Things I would rather do than groan through Syllabus Week
    August 23, 2010, 7:49 pm
    Filed under: College, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , ,
    • See the White Stripes perform live.
    • Enjoying a little sunshine.
    • Making up Top Ten lists for Letterman.
    • Exploring the Main Line by bike.
    • Writing letters to Chicken and the gang.
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    “Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.” – C. Palahniuk
    July 11, 2010, 12:34 am
    Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: , ,

    For the past few days I have had an excellent acute case of laryngitis. My voice comes and goes. I sound like a multi-decade smoker. You know the deal.

    And I am kind of ashamed to admit this but:

    I really never knew what laryngitis was or what causes it. So, today, I googled laryngitis.

    Laryngitis, in fact, is the swelling of your voice box (or larynx.) It cannot be treated with medicines because it is usually caused by a virus. But a variety of other sicknesses, like the flu, a cold, or bronchitis, can cause laryngitis as well. Surprisingly, however, laryngitis can be caused by heartburn. Who would’ve guessed?

    For the love of useless information, I have decided to compile a list of random facts. Who doesn’t love to shoot the shit with random trivia?

    • Top Six reasons for being late for work: 1) traffic. 2) oversleeping. 3) procrastination. 4) Chores. 5) Car Trouble. 6) Having Sex. I am guilty of all of them.
    • Karoke means “empty orchestra” in Japanese.
    • The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
    • In Oregon, there is an enormous mushroom that covers over 2,200 acres and is at least 2,400 years old, possibly older. It is the largest living organism in the World. That sounds insane. Need to see this.
    • Porcupines can and do masturbate. Strange.
    • Miss Piggy once said “Never eat more than you can lift.”
    • Hookers got their name from an American Civil War general. Of course.
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    Little Things Pt. 2
    June 28, 2010, 11:28 pm
    Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: , , ,

    Reasons why today didn’t suck:

    • I’m on my second bowl of Ben and Bill’s Chocolate PB Cookie Dough ice cream.
    • I went in the ocean during the day AND at night. Both times it was fantastically refreshing.
    • Despite the waves of work/people/tickets, I never felt bored at work.
    • As of 11:26 PM, there were 65 hits on the blog today!
    • My drink is strong.
    • I already know that my day off will be EPIC.
    • I felt skinny.
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    Little Things
    June 28, 2010, 1:50 am
    Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: , , , , ,
    “I do believe that most men live lives of quiet desperation. For despair, optimism is the only practical solution. Hope is practical. Because eliminate that and it’s pretty scary. Hope at least gives you the option of living.” – Harry Nilsson

    Why today did not suck:

    • I felt great and looked great in my brand new jeans. (Gotta love the Gap!)

      I looked better than the model.

    • It was my day off, and I got to relax.

      It kind of looked like this in the Hole today.

    • I scored a free pair of Cole Hann aviators from a friend.

      And by God, do I love sunglasses.

    • I didn’t get in trouble. Always a plus.
    • I ate Dairy Queen.

      Blizzard for the win!

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