Before I knew it, I was kissing Stanley.
It was not a passionate, tongue-tied, obscene kiss, though that was what I wanted. But you just don’t kiss like that when you are standing in the middle of some crowded room and men with white gloves stare at you, you who is smiling and laughing and making peace fingers as you lend your mouth to a stranger. It’s just not acceptable to kiss that way in such a situation. Though, in my mind, it was the most passionate, greatest, most life altering kiss I ever had. Other girls had told me kissing Stanley would be one of the luckiest things I’d ever experience, though I was skeptic. I was a fleeting, chaotic moment. I didn’t have the time to stick around, I had to go. I wanted to sit with him for another hour, but I walked away. I took one last glance from the doorway. His shine lit up the room.
That was the last time I saw Stanley in person.
Little did I know, in fact, it was a life altering kiss. I would never be the same person again.
That night, a man poured a beer on my head at Mulligan’s. It was not like he spilled on me in passing, or he tripped over a barstool and beer flew everywhere, or that he even thought I was someone else. Some drunk idiot poured a beer over my head. I was furious.
‘WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?’ I shouted in a blonde rage, as he pointed at me and laughed between hiccups.
My white t-shirt turned a shade of dirty yellow as beer seeped into the cotton threads.
The idiot stood there and continued to laugh. His red flannel shirt did nothing to hide his grotesque beer belly — I guessed it was rather hairy underneath — and his entire body pulsated as he cackled. The whole bar watched him, his laugh echoing off the wood paneling of the walls. The music seemed to have stopped.
Two guys in polos and chino shorts walked over, picked the idiot up by his arm pits, and without a word, carried him to the front door. It seemed like a rather unlikely scene — two guys I’d never seen before hoisting the village drunk (or who I assumed to be the village drunk) out of the dive. The music returned and I didn’t give it another thought.
Someone handed me a wad of brown papertowels from the bathroom. They were the same water-resistant kind I had used all my life in school. I attempted to push the beer off me, but I was still sticky and rather wet.
Laura passed me a pint glass. “You need this,” she said, grimacing. “So much for good luck.”
The bartender took one look at me and poured me a double of bourbon. “Sorry about that,” he said.
I silently sat at my bar stool, gazing in the mirror at the strangers behind me. The beer dripped down my back to the waist of my jeans. The yeasty smell of hops was potent. My head buzzed with the sensory overkill. I suppose my jack and cokes didn’t help either.
Without a word, I stood up, grabbed my red leather clutch and struggled through the crowd toward the door. I could hear Laura calling my name, but I didn’t bother to call back to her. She knew where I would be.
A tall man stopped me in my tracks. Him and his buddies were clustered in a circle, like a flock of teenage girls.
“Excuse me, but will you get the fuck out of my way?” I said, as I stood, wringing more beer out of my t-shirt.
He turned around.
“Well that isn’t a very lady-like way to talk,” he said with a subtle southern twang. His buddies snickered. I said nothing, just stood, mouth agape, staring. He was very tall. And he was one of the guys who had escorted the idiot outside.
“Do you want a ride home?” he asked.
“Yes, please.” He was quite possibly the most attractive man I had seen in Littleton in all my life.
He took my hand and pulled me with him through the hoards of people, out the door, and into the fluorescent lights of the parking lot.
Turns out, getting a beer poured on my head was one of the luckiest things that has ever happened to me. This guy’s name was Mark Tynan. He drove some kind of convertible Cadillac from the 60s. Without even asking, he went to the nearest McDonald’s drive through and bought me a hot fudge sundae. He told me about himself– like how he was fascinated by New England lighthouses and the history of sailboats, and how he watched reruns of childhood cartoons when he couldn’t fall asleep at night, and how he one time saw a hawk devour a pigeon while walking home from the gym.
By the time he dropped me off at home, I was completely won over. Apparently he liked me too, because he asked for my number and if we could meet up the next night for dinner.
He took me to a French restaurant, right on the water, where we ate duck confit and foie gras. I tried foods I didn’t even know existed, and every bite was delicious. Mark confessed he was an avid Bruins fan. I asked him when Bobby Orr’s birthday was; he came up with the right answer, and I knew right then and there that he was the man for me.
Six months later we were engaged.
I never told Mark about the day I kissed Stanley. I never told Mark about the years that I had lusted after Stanley. I didn’t want Mark to get any ideas about me being obsessed or anything. (I did think about that kiss often.)
Yet one morning, at breakfast, Mark smiled at me and said “I am so glad I went to Littleton that day.”
“Why were you even in town that day, anyway?” I asked, smiling back. I poured coffee into his red mug.
“I went to see the Stanley Cup,” he replied. “I was lucky– I got to kiss the Stanley Cup that day.”
Filed under: Song of the Day | Tags: love, love songs, music, open your eyes, Snow Patrol, video
I am convinced this is the world’s most perfect love song.
I don’t know much, if anything, about love. I’ve never been married, and none of my relationships could be classified as serious. As far as most people are concerned, I am just a kid.
I don’t understand Snow Patrol’s intentions or meaning behind the phrase “Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.” But I do think that the tempo of the music mimics every emotion that love incites. The bridge could represent something good, or something gone horribly wrong, or something gone horribly wrong that ends up arguably perfect. It is the beat of love. One that, strangely enough, seems painful to hear, yet also seems undeniably beautiful. It is continuous and moving and exhausting.
The song is not about the lyrics, although the decisive verbs and feelings spoken of certainly reflect love. They serve to complement the beat. They provide some melody to the tones of the bass and drums.
Every time I hear this song, I am taken back to every romance I have ever had, whether they meant a lot to me or not. I think of everything that ever tasted of love. They are all there, nights driving around, on beaches, in each others arms, eating ice cream. It’s overwhelming. I don’t know where all this came from. But last week, when the instructor played it during our five minutes of “do whatever you want on your bike” time, I realized that this is the world’s most perfect love song. It frightened me.
I am convinced this is the world’s most perfect love song. Turn it on. Close your eyes, do something else, focus. You are gonna hear it and say “Wow.”
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Chilean Poets, ends, friends, love, ocean, Ode to Broken Things, Pablo Neruda, poet, poetry, sadness
Ode to Broken Things by Pablo Neruda
Things get broken
at home
like they were pushed
by an invisible, deliberate smasher.
It’s not my hands
or yours
It wasn’t the girls
with their hard fingernails
or the motion of the planet.
It wasn’t anything or anybody
It wasn’t the wind
It wasn’t the orange-colored noontime
Or night over the earth
It wasn’t even the nose or the elbow
Or the hips getting bigger
or the ankle
or the air.
The plate broke, the lamp fell
All the flower pots tumbled over
one by one. That pot
which overflowed with scarlet
in the middle of October,
it got tired from all the violets
and another empty one
rolled round and round and round
all through winter
until it was only the powder
of a flowerpot,
a broken memory, shining dust.
And that clock
whose sound
was
the voice of our lives,
the secret
thread of our weeks,
which released
one by one, so many hours
for honey and silence
for so many births and jobs,
that clock also
fell
and its delicate blue guts
vibrated
among the broken glass
its wide heart
unsprung.
Life goes on grinding up
glass, wearing out clothes
making fragments
breaking down
forms
and what lasts through time
is like an island on a ship in the sea,
perishable
surrounded by dangerous fragility
by merciless waters and threats.
Let’s put all our treasures together
– the clocks, plates, cups cracked by the cold –
into a sack and carry them
to the sea
and let our possessions sink
into one alarming breaker
that sounds like a river.
May whatever breaks
be reconstructed by the sea
with the long labor of its tides.
So many useless things
which nobody broke
but which got broken anyway
Filed under: Song of the Day | Tags: Corinne Bailey Rae, love, music, song of the day, video
Are You Here by Corinne Bailey Rae
He’s a real live wire
He’s the best of his kind
Wait till you see those eyes
He dresses like this different scene
He’ll kiss you make you feel sixteen
What’s it even mean?
Are you here
Are you here
Are you here, cause my heart recalls that
It all seems the same
It all feels the same
Pick me up
It’s hard to recall the taste of summer
When everywhere around, the chill of winter
It gets so far away
Are you here
And he comes to lay me down in a garden of tuberose’s
When he comes around there’s nothing more to imagine
Just tuberose’s
Tuberose’s
Are you here
Are you here
Are you here, cause my heart recalls that it
All seems like
All looks like
It all feels like
It tasted like
Tasted
Tasted like
When he comes to lay me down in a garden of tuberose’s
When he comes around there’s nothing more to imagine
Just tuberose’s
Tuberose’s
Wait till you see those eyes
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: drinking, Falmouth, Fay Beach, friends, happiness, life, love, summer, sunrise
Sunday August 15, 2010 @ 2:33 PM – Driving home, currently in bridge traffic
I always have these grandiose plans. These spectacular ideas, how I think things will go, how I want it to lay out.
Last night things did not turn out how my crazy mind wanted it to… We had no beer, no great storytelling, and no huge plan.
But things turned out alright.
I saw shooting stars.
I tried a drink called “Surfer on Acid.”
…
I saw the most beautiful sunrise. It looked like someone had sewn thread of gold through the sky and clouds.
I had a great talk with S on the jetty. We talked ab out work and summer and Hot Sauce and he told me how beautiful I am. I had greasy hair, an old sweatshirt, and boxers on, and even though I denied it, I suddenly felt beautiful.
It was nothing like the night I imagined, but dare I say it, it was better.
Filed under: Song of the Day | Tags: love, music, rock and roll, song of the day, The Darkness, video
I’m being punished for all my offenses
I wanna touch you but I’m afraid of the consequences
I wanna banish you from whence you came
But you’re part of me now
And I’ve only got myself to blame
You’re really growing on me
(or am I growing on you?)
