Filed under: Lizstomania | Tags: broseidon, dance, driving, happiness, Lists, presents, random, skiing, vacation
I’m warning you: this might get weird.
- Interviewing people on the gondola/chair lift/in the lift line. I find this is the best time to both catch people off guard and to have the opportunity to talk to really, really attractive men. (I’m not the only one who does this, either. I have had people ask me all kinds of questions.) Depending on your motives in getting to know someone in the lift line, there are several appropriate topics: 1. anything that has to do with winter sports (what kind of equipment are you on, did you see the hockey game last night, is it supposed to snow tonight, did you catch the race over on Locke Line?) 2. something so completely random (just don’t be creepy… the goal is to catch them off guard and to get an honest answer) 3. the poll question of the day (this is also a good way to start a conversation if you’re uncomfortable with this kind of stuff. Poll questions should either be stupidly easy, like PB&J or PB&fluff, or provocative, like anything to do with politics or trending topics).
- Driving. If you read my blog regularly, or even met me once, you know I am pretty fond of driving. I would put that in my top five interests, alongside drinking, food, men, and being outside. On the agenda for this vacation is a lovely road trip to Canada. Road trip = driving. I don’t care if it’s not my car- I have driven Katelyn’s car on many occasions and Frank is a good car. I look forward to cruising at moderately fast speeds while belting out the lyrics to indie songs I hardly know and drinking Arnold Palmers and taking drive by pictures of weird Canadian things.
- Going to bed at 4 AM not because I couldn’t sleep or was watching Netflix, but because I was actually socializing and having a good time. I think this is pretty self explanatory. It’s also pretty out there.
- Talking to my brother. I know, you must be thinking What a weirdo, who the hell enjoys their siblings? And you might have a point there. But I am nonetheless looking forward to catching up with him and hearing about the insane acts of madness going on at my former residence on Shipley Circle.
- Opening presents. This good feeling will only be intensified with the knowledge that I skimped on presents for everyone else in my family, primarily because my mother instructed me too. If college is good for one thing, it’s a great excuse for being selfish. Furthermore, I love that tearing sound of wrapping paper. I like the way the rigid little fibers tear and jive with the paper, the crispy corners, I dunno- there is something very sensual about the whole experience. On your respective Chrismahanukwanzikah, take a moment to enjoy the sound of expensive wrapping paper being ravaged off boxes to reveal the goodie (or utter disappointment) inside.
- Screwing with my parents. Yes, the devil in me does enjoy seeing them squirm (at least a little bit.) But what self-respecting child doesn’t enjoy this? C’mon, admit it; when your mother saw your new $150 sneakers you blatantly lied about that had a day glow Nike swoosh etched with several indelible-Sharpie-created expletives on them, you laughed as she cried out with pain and shock. I like testing them a little bit. (I was actually contemplating going home dressed all emo for a few days, just to see how they would react.) You know, when they ask what time I’ll be home, say “Before you wake up,” or “Eh, I dunno. Eventually.”
- Admit it; watching them freak out would be HILARIOUS.
- Dancing in the kitchen. I have a weird history of dancing in the kitchen. With men, while baking cookies, for the sake of dancing, when I won an iPad, because I’m happy. I think there is just a real unique quality to dancing in anyone’s kitchen. I mean, who the hell would expect that? But I think it’s better than dancing at any frat, a beach, or wedding party. Dancing in the kitchen is just one of those strange pleasures I have. (No, not like that you sicko. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
- Popsicles. I can’t even remember the last time I had a popsicle, and it certainly hasn’t been while I was here at Villanova. I know that much. But there is a box of popsicles in the basement freezer; I plan on eating all of them in a late night binge of George Clooney movies, sweat pants, and snuggling with the dog. Hello lost-but-not-forgotten home!
Filed under: College, Lizstomania | Tags: col, college, future, happiness, Lists, nonfiction, pizza, sleep, vacation, Villanova
I have never been one to look “healthy” or “sunny” or “glowy.” Depending on the time of year, my skin can be so pale I fluoresce. I can light up a room.
After nine or so weeks of Villanova, I am retreating to my night-light-bright-white status. The bags under my eyes are staggering. My hygiene is a little lacking. My sleeping habits are so off that even a rabid racoon would say “WTF?” I am coming very close to being hospitalized for exhaustion. Okay, that wouldn’t happen- I am not as pathetic as Lindsey Lohan. But you get the idea.
In about half an hour, I have my last midterm of the semester. Tomorrow I depart campus for New York, New England, and October Break Week. Hallelujah! I have been thinking about, craving, and all out praying to God for this week to finally come. In twenty-four hours, I’ll be boarding that big old Greyhound Bus and getting the hell out of here. (Yeah, I know I have to drive through Dirty Jersey to reach salvation, but at least my window won’t be open.) ANYWAY, here are some of the things I want to do over break:
- Be a touristy New Englander. I want to carve a pumpkin, take pictures of leaves turning, go apple picking, and generally enjoy the outdoors. I am gonna walk my dog, listen to folk-y music, and enjoy a nice cold beer. I’m gonna pretend it’s the last time I’ll ever be there in the fall, and enjoy all that New England has for me. Amen.
If only my pumpkin could come out this spectacular.
- Sleep. I am going to sleep endless hours, all night, and all morning. I want to sleep so much that I can’t sleep when I get back to school. I mean, let’s be honest, I’m not gonna sleep when I get back to school anyway, so I might as well catch up/get ahead while I can… I have been fantasizing about all the places I am going to sleep. On buses, in cars, in my lovely bed, in hammocks, with my dog, on a couch…. Oh, it sounds so nice.
- Read some worthwhile fiction. After all the text books and philosophical readings, I am craving myself a novel. Please, oh please, let me read a novel! I would even settle for nonfiction that reads like a novel! Lord, oh Lord, I promise I will never take advantage of fiction reading ever again. I’ll stick with the newspaper, but I really miss fiction. Even just the smell and feel of a paperback book…. Okay, I’ll stop myself before this gets bookworm pornographic.
- Immerse myself in media. I am going to catch up on local news, world news, business family news, television, movies, kitchen life, cooking, all of it. I want to be so well rounded and know what’s been going on for the last month and a half- almost as if I knew of it all along. I am going to get into the crafty media too- taking photographs with my old camera, making bracelets out of string/hemp, coloring, the whole gamut. I miss the things I used to enjoy.
- Take time to enjoy the little home-y moments. You know, stuff you can’t do in college, like eat good pizza (Villanova pizza SUCKS), shower without shoes, sleep naked, fart loudly, cuddle with the dog, listen to your music loudly, drink out of clean cups, real plates, talk on the phone whenever you feel, etm.
See you at Dunkin Donuts, friends.
Filed under: Disney Chronicles | Tags: Disney, Disney World, failure, pins, Rant, souvenirs, trading, travel, vacation
Disney isn’t exactly quiet about the ways it tries to take your money. Park tickets alone are exorbitant, never mind the food, the pictures, or anything else in those conveniently placed gift shops.
But my favorite, or least favorite, way Disney tries to rip you off/steal your money would be the pin swapping.
Talk about ridiculousness.
While I can understand how a pin might hold some sentimental value of a trip or memory or whatever, the pin I am thinking of does NOT cost $7.99, and certainly not $15.99! That pin also would not increase in coolness or sentimentality or my sense of happiness just because there are more pins around it.
The trading aspect of the pins is a little bit cool, no lies, however there is a sucker born every minute. People shell out lots of cash for those little pins! To what? Wear them on a lanyard? Show off to your nerdy friends? Use in your LARP? Let’s be honest, those damn pins are as, if not more, useless than the Mickey Ears. (At least the ears are good for Halloween costumes!)
As stupid, wasteful, and expensive as those pins are, on my vacation, I was drawn to them, because, well, they were everywhere! Seemingly every store carried pins of characters of every show, film, or media. Even the Jonas Brothers had a couple pins!! So I took pictures of the cool ones, or the ones I would spend my Monopoly money on.
After all, shouldn’t we all bring out our inner nerd?
Surprised this hasn't been a more highly marketed phrase.
Known accomplices: "Ryan Nerd Werner"
Ladies and gentlemen, this must be a joke.
Filed under: Disney Chronicles, Rants & Ridiculousness | Tags: Disney, Disney World, electric scooters, fat people, innovations, laziness, obesity, quirks, vacation, walking
Now let me just brief you: I am not known for my wealth of patience, nor my virtue and acceptance like Mother Theresa.
That being said: I really hate scooters.
Christ, do I hate scooters.
I hear this baby gets 1.5 horse power!
My distaste for scooters intensified in Disney, especially after waiting an extra twenty three minutes for two fat fucks guys to get on with all their special accommodations, slowness, and space. Not only that, but the rest of the clan needed to get on the bus from the handicap line too. Maybe they were too slow to waddle in line with the rest of us, or maybe their knees had started to rot away inside them because of all the pressure from walking through Disney World, but the family, in the end, took up a grade total of eight seats.
Please keep in mind, there was upwards of fifty people in line for this bus, and most of us had been waiting in line a hell of a lot longer than they had.
I was ready to rip out my nose hairs. I couldn’t believe it. These dudes were gumming up the works, big time.
As my vacation progressed, I realized that the use and availability of these electric scooters only promoted two things: laziness and obesity. Too fat to walk? Rent one of these puppies. (It probably moves faster than you would if you decided to sweat it out and use your legs.) Rather save yourself the embarrassment of having sweat stains on the backs of your stirrup pants? Sit down all day, and no one will notice. Either way you’re going to be in the way of fast walkers while roaming the Happiest Place on Earth, so why not at least make it easier for yourself?
Christ, you can even eat your fried turkey leg as you drive your gurney-to-be down concrete walkways.
Chow down, Momma!
Bubba and his brother really got my goat, out of every scooter I saw, because it was pretty damn evident they fit the bill for fat and lazy. Bubba was so enormous, he had to rent a scooter from Buena Vista Scooter Co & Mobility Services. He was too big to handle one of the scooters Disney already owned!
My God!
Now, I think it’s fine that Grandma wants to tag along on the family vacation to Disney World. She has a heart condition and can’t take a lot of physical activity? Okay, I’ll make the exception.
But what about these middle aged men who have, in every sense, let themselves go? Too fat to do much of anything except eat their way across the great state of Florida. So what about them? I say, get up off your fat ass and walk.
This isn't the guy. (I was nice enough NOT to take his picture.) But as I stood in line for the bus, staring at him, wondering how much longer he could possibly take, I asked a question: when was the last time this guy saw his own junk?
I’m doing you a favor as much as I am doing me a favor. It’s a hell of a lot easier to maneuver around a fat walker than a fat scooter-rider. But clearly, you could use the exercise. You want to go to Disney? Well, you’ll have a better chance of being able to fit ride the rides if you lose five pounds of water weight from sweating than riding like a geezer on that sad excuse for a bike or wheelchair.
That brings me to another point: when you’re that fat, is it safe for you to ride the rides? Do you fit in the seat?
And who the hell goes to Walt Disney World thinking “I’m gonna walk as little as possible on this vacation.” You are in DISNEY WORLD. There isn’t any space for CARS. You WALK. So if you can’t WALK or are too lazy to WALK, why would you plan a vacation when WALKING is one of the primary activities? In the words of Wayne Campbell, are you mental?
I'm at a loss for words.
I don’t hate fat people. I don’t hate people who are physically incapable of walking. I don’t hate the old or the sick or small children. But I hate you if you’re lazy. I hate you if your laziness is not only a detriment to you, but to me. Everyone deserves to go to Disney World, but if you are going to make my time there miserable, then you should just get the fuck out.
Most importantly, I hate your damn electric scooters. You look like a fool.
If you don’t start walking, I might just anonymously send you cans of SlimFast.
Take that, lazy bones.
Filed under: travel, Uncategorized | Tags: Blizzard Beach, choices, Disney World, Typhoon Lagoon, vacation
So I am at work, making the Disney itinerary, about to pee my pants because I am SO excited.
So the question is: Blizzard Beach or Typhoon Lagoon?
They are both about the same size, are open the same hours, and offer generally the same rides.
Blizzard Beach’s claim to fame is that enormous body slide, which I’ve never tried. (It’s been a while since I’ve been to either Disney water park, but I have been to both.)
I'm afraid of heights... So what's the percent chance I wuss out on this one?
I dig the photo editing.
Typhoon Lagoon is a little less loud, and their wave pool is world class. I think it has more trees too.
My Dad has a scar from me scratching his back as I was inundated by a wall of water at the tender age of 7..
Isn't that cute? But see how relaxed they look? Then again, is this a "relaxing" type vacation?
And these suckers were featured on the Travel Channel for their awesomeness...
I’m gonna do a little spelunking on Google, but what do you think? Blizzard Beach or Typhoon Lagoon?
Filed under: Rants & Ridiculousness, Senioritis, Song of the Day | Tags: Devo, Disney, friends, music, plans, Rant, sass, school, senioritis, song of the day, vacation, video
First, I have to feature the best song from my drive to work today (which I have now been listening to on repeat.)
Gut Feeling by Devo
And talk about some sassy lyrics:
Something about the way you taste Makes me want to clear my throat There's a message to your movements That really gets my goat I looked for sniffy linings But you're rotten to the core I've had just about all I can take You know I can't take it no more Got a gut feeling Centered 'round long time ago On your ability to torment Then you took your tongs of love And stripped away my garment Got a gut feeling Slap your mammy down Slap your pappy down again Oh move it up and down now Oh move it all around now
Second, the Lowell Sun sent me out on a story (which has taken forever to get interviews set up!) regarding the Hellenic American Academy in Lowell. The school has this new lunch program run by one of the parents, Vivian Paganakis. She cooks every meal from scratch, secretly adds tons of vegetables, and does her very best to cater to each kid individually.
It’s great. But Principal Doug Anderson (who finally!!!!! returned my incessant calls after three weeks) gave me a little tour of the school, and I got to re-live the fourth and fifth grade, and elementary school, and just being a kid. I have decided I am going to absolutely look for volunteer opportunities in schools and over the summer so I can work with kids. God, I forgot how much I missed it! We will see where it goes. I think this could be a really unique experience.
Fifth grade is so retro. So when can I sign up to go back?
Third, Disney is fast approaching. I really need to see what clothes fit/buy some new ones (not too many but enough for five days). And I also really need to get on that damn itinerary. But, in avoiding a problem, there are problems already. No one is reaching out and saying “I wanna do this.” But I know that, ultimately, everyone is gonna bitch and be all “Hey, I wanted to do this, but you didn’t include it in your plans and now it’s too late to do it and yadda yadda yah yah.”
But I have on at least five different occasions invited people to SPEAK UP. Tell me what you want to do so this isn’t just MY vacation and MY plans. My ideas behind the itinerary were
A) avoid sitting around and not knowing what to do that day.
B) save some dough.
C) avoid forgetting about stuff I want to do.
D) have a list of priorities.
E) save the drama for yo’ mama/quit yo’ bitchin’/I can only accept one complaint per day/fuck off.
But really now. Those are great reasons to have a plan, aside from the fact that Disney is completely OVERWHELMING and REQUIRES a little planning. Sheesh.
If Mickey says no, it's got to go.
Girls are damn catty. I can’t help it that I am proactive.
Or beautiful.
Cheers,
Katie
